Hallucinations of the Prinsediran XX: I Am Beginning To [Be Human]

It is meant to be an era of new beginnings, and Moi has not been left out. Like the rest who are ‘obsessed with the idea of long life on earth’, Moi said to me;

I am beginning to hate those who hate me
I am beginning to love those who love me.
I am beginning to hate silence, the silence of the silent ones.

I am beginning to think of those who think of me
I am beginning to forget those who forgot me.
I am beginning to sting the weak, a mouth full of praises for the strong.

I am beginning to gossip about those who gossip about me
I beginning to love myself more than my neighbours.
I am beginning to fling those who flung me, and off to find those who found me.

I am beginning to betray you
I am beginning to tell stories about you.
I am beginning to make mistakes on purpose, and make an apology for things I plan to do again.

I am beginning to desire your homes
I am beginning to desire your jobs
I am beginning to desire your food.
I am beginning to crave your happiness
I am beginning to wish you sadness.

I am beginning to crave for bad news
I am beginning to create bad news.
I am beginning to love the downfall of my enemies.

I am beginning to be human.
But until that transition is complete, don’t assume I am there yet;
For I still love silence.

Hallucinations of the Prinsediran XVIII: I Will Be [An Example]

A full circle and a few more turns and we are here again. It’s been long I heard from Moi, but Moi is finally here and to let Me know of what will be.

One won’t say one wants to be rich or famous or anything hyper, for what will be will be.

I will be an example of that dream that never came true
I will be that fiction that never became untrue
I will be the one who never lived
I will be the one who never died.

I will be that smile that never faded
I will be that tear that never dried
I will be that wound that time never healed
I will be that old wound that never opened up.

I will be that hair that never grew,
that ripe fruit that never fell.
I will be that hair that never turned grey,
that fruit that never ripened.

I will be the egg that never hatched,
the sun that never rose.
I will be the star that never shone,
the sun that never set.
I will be the moon that never faded.

I will be that child that never grew up,
that man that never grew old.
I will be that child that was never born,
that father that never died.

I will be an example of this
I will be an example of that
A curse, a blessing, I will be what you see in yourself.

Come rain come sun, one will be an example of what is, what shouldn’t be, what can be, what will be, what cannot be and what wouldn’t be.

Hallucinations of the Prinsediran XVII: I Am Afraid [Of Hoping]

I am afraid I am here again, alone with Moi and Moi said.. “I am afraid this condition called ‘being alive’ will last forever. I do hope my life has an end”

I am becoming worryingly aware that I’m quite creative. I am afraid of what I might do.. Though I used to be intelligent until I became creative, I don’t know which one was better. I do hope pride doesn’t takeover me.

I am afraid I’m defenceless, I do hope the devil overlooks me.

I am afraid of silence….I hope the music will never end.

I am afraid I am falling…someone had gotten careless and let me go. It’ll be selfish for me to stand by myself and for myself. I do hope I’ll stand for someone, someday.

I am afraid the light is becoming more intense… I don’t know what sin I committed against it, I can hardly comprehend it these days. I do hope I’ll be forgiven someday.

I am afraid of the road ahead of me…surely there will be peace somewhere. If I hope on that, it becomes obvious that I’ll never get it. I am afraid of hope, for once I hope, I’m almost certain it will never come to pass.

What do you hope for?

Prinsedira, Wuzybury