Once Upon A Dream by PhanÐira

Happy to announce that I published a novel through AuthorHouse UK.
You can order for the hard copies from the links below.The ebook format are available for download on AuthorHouse US, Amazon, Bookdepository, and Barnes&Noble. (http://bookstore.authorhouse.com/Products/SKU-000961562/Once-Upon-A-Dream.aspx)

Book title: Once Upon A Dream…
Genre: SciFi.

Once Upon A Dream tells a story set in a fantastically bizarre future. It is told by way of a dreamscape, mind-trip narrative style that presents a quirky take on an undeniably strange, but oddly familiar future. It is a different world with a different manner of speech. Readers are taken through the dreams, the nightmares, the past, the present and the possible future.

http://www.authorhouse.co.uk/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000961562

For Nigeria: http://www.amazon.com/Once-Upon-Dream-Dream-Dream-Phandira/dp/1496988701

“Once Upon A Dream”
By PhanÐira
Softcover | 5 x 8in | 306 pages | ISBN 9781496988706
E-Book | 306 pages | ISBN 9781496988713
Available at Amazon and Barnes&Nobel; AuthorHouse UK

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Movie Lyrics: Random Short Story

Today (30th September, 2013), I woke up to a friend’s unending attempt to get my attention. Something tagged as an “emergency”, she said, “can you help me write a script? A 30 minutes drama?” “Well, yes I can” I said to myself before she added, “we’ll need it by 8am”. I looked at the time, it was 6:34am, and I was like, wait a minute! Then I said to her, “Do you want to mix up my brain? I have a story I’ve been working on o…and if I don’t write it, I may not think properly on another one”. Of course my complain was ignored…the next thing I saw was “Abeg” [please], a medical story o… Medical related. We want to act it here”. She was in a Global Health Initiative program in a village in Anambra State, Nigeria. Well, since it was an emergency, it’s better I help than argue why I can’t help. So, I tried understanding what the story location looks like, how many people attending the program are willing to act, their ages, and the theme of the event… Well.. “No theme, no title, no campaigns! No special message to pass across, just write anything, we have two cameras here and we just want to have fun, that’s all.”

For a start, a 30 minutes drama should take up to 30 A4 pages when typed, it is not exactly “small” considering I have less than an hour to do it (Lol..yeah I actually complained for 30 minutes) 😀

I’m really slow at picking titles for stories, so, I didn’t waste my time dwelling on what the title should be. Since I’ve worked for more than two years in different hospitals (adding one month at a time), it will be easy to put together some of the things that happened while I was working… So… Here’s our 30 minutes drama.. It hasn’t been proof-read yet, and don’t worry about Mr Chikeluba’s english, he’s from his own village (I’ll edit that for this post though).

Title: A Morning At The Clinic *shrugs*

EXT – CLINIC COMPOUND – MORNING

CHIDI, an intern Radiographer arrives at the clinic. He’s carrying a backpack and four books in his hands, not forgetting a file of papers. He’s walking very fast thru the empty hospital compound.

INT – CLINIC RECEPTION – SAME

Chidi opens the front door of the clinic building and crashes into the pretty Nurse CHINELO. Her tray of drugs falls and the contents spill.

AS A SOFT TUNE PLAYS, WE’LL expect they gaze into each other’s beautiful eyes and ultimately fall in love of course… BUT… NO. Something unforgivable has just occurred and their mood changes immediately.

CHINELO
Chidi, are you always this stupid every now and then?

CHIDI
(Sarcastic)
No Chinelo… always now. Never then…
(Bends down to pick his books)

CHINELO
(Angry)
When chief comes, I’ll report him to you

CHIDI
(Corrects Chinelo quickly)
You to him…

CHINELO
(Echoes)
You to him

Chidi giggles.

CHINELO (CONT’D)
Clean this place up.

CHIDI
I thought you were the Nurse.

ANN, a Nursing student, comes in.

ANN
(To Chinelo)
Chinelo good morning.

CHINELO
(Still angry)
Help me and clean this place please.
(Leaves).

ANN
Chidi good morning.

CHIDI
Good morning Ann… how was your night?

ANN
Fine.

CHIDI
When are you ending your IT?

Nnenna walks in thru the front door.

ANN
Good morning Nnenna.
(Picking up the drugs on the floor)

NNENNA
What happened here?
(Helps Chidi to pick his things)

CHIDI
I ran into Chinelo.

NNENNA
I need to run some lab tests on you.

Chidi giggles

NNENNA (CONT’D)
You run into that girl every Monday morning.

Chidi laughs

CHIDI
Well, you’ve been my target. I don’t know when we’ll start falling into each other’s arms.

NNENNA
Hmm… I hope not when I’m trying to dispose some biohazards.

Both stand up and DR ILOCHUKWU comes in quickly thru the front door and hits the two of them. Chidi’s books fall again.

CHIDI/NNENNA/ANN
Good morning sir…

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
(Looks sternly at them)
Every Monday… every Monday.
(Walks away to his office).

NNENNA
Phew. Even Doctor Ilochukwu has noticed.

CHIDI
Yup… let’s just shift out of the door.

As they move, a 20 years old girl (NGOZI) comes in. She has a little stain of blood on her thigh. She’s dizzy, clinging on her stomach. WE notice she’s holding unto a paper (A referral letter).

NGOZI
Good morning. Please can I see a doctor?

CHIDI
Welcome. They’ll be here soon. What’s wrong? What’s your name?

NGOZI
Ngozi. I’m having malaria.

NNENNA
Have you done any test to confirm?

NGOZI
No…

NNENNA
Oh… k… that kind of malaria.
(Sees the paper Ngozi is holding)
Can I?
(Stretches her hand to take it)

NGOZI
It’s from our family doctor…

NNENNA
You’ve seen a doctor before?

NGOZI
Yes, he said I should come for ultrasound scan.

CHIDI
Ah ah…
(Stretches to reads the note with Nnenna)
You should have said you came for ultrasound scan. The radiologist is around.

NNENNA
That’s Doctor Ilochukwu.

CHIDI
Yep.

Chidi and Nnenna are surprised at what they are reading.

CHIDI/NNENNA
Abortion?!

NGOZI
Shh… please na. People may hear you.

NNENNA
Well your timing is good enough. There are no people around.

NGOZI
(Lowly)
It doesn’t mean you tell the whole world I had an abortion.

NNENNA
Malaria abortion
(Nods)
Here
(Gives Ngozi back the note)
So your family doctor performs abortions?

NGOZI
Can you stop using that word?

NNENNA
Ok, so your family doctor performs malaria?

NGOZI
(Groans in pain)
Please can I sit?

CHIDI/NNENNA
Sorry dear.

CHIDI
Let’s take her to Doctor Ilochukwu for the scan.

They hold her and take her to the Radiology department. Chidi is holding his book in one hand.

INT – RADIOLOGY WAITING ROOM – SAME

Chidi and Nnenna arrive with Ngozi. They see Doctor Ilochukwu and Nurse Chinelo comforting a gunshot victim (CYNTHIA) in the radiology waiting room. Chinelo had just finished dressing her wound; Cynthia was shot on her leg.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
(Sees Chidi and Nnenna bringing Ngozi)
(To Chidi)
What have you been doing there? This lady needs to take a leg x-ray. She was shot this morning.

CHIDI
Sorry I didn’t know anyone was waiting for me.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
What’s she for?
(Referring to Ngozi)

NNENNA
Ultrasound scan.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
Where’s her request card?
(To Ngozi)
What’s wrong with you?

NNENNA/CHIDI/NGOZI
Malaria.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
(Nnenna points him the note).
I see. Chinelo should form the soprano part of that malaria chorus.
(Takes the note from Nnenna)
So your doctor thinks an ultrasound scan is important in diagnosing malaria or in treating malaria?
(Reads the note).
Hmm… most amusing. This is…

NGOZI
Doctor please, we’ll talk inside.

CHIDI
She’s very dizzy too sir.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
Hmm. Chinelo help her into the ultrasound room. Chidi take Miss Cynthia (points at Cynthia) in for her X-ray.

Chinelo takes Ngozi from Chidi and Nnenna. Chidi’s books fall again and he bends to pick them.

CHINELO
Just leave them on the floor. Cynthia needs to be x-rayed now.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
Yes, now please.
(Enters the ultrasound room with Chinelo and Ngozi).

A heavily limping man with a walking stick comes into the radiology waiting room.

CHIDI
(To Nnenna)
Please help me let’s take her inside.

NNENNA
Sure.

The two help Cynthia up. They greet the limping man as they enter the x-ray room.

INT – ULTRASOUND ROOM – SAME

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
(Scanning Ngozi)
So, when did you have the abortion?

NGOZI
(Looks uncomfortable as she glances at Chinelo)
Two days ago.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
And you waited for two days for this your “malaria” to cure itself.
(Looks at the images on the screen)
Look at this. Are you married?

NGOZI
No…

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
How old are you?

NGOZI
20 sir…

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
Please, you’ll have to call your parents or guardian to come over.

NGOZI
No doctor… I can’t tell them about this.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
About what?

NGOZI
The malaria…

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
Young lady, you don’t have malaria… in fact you have something worse. I am even surprised you are feeling strong enough to think of more lies to tell. What this abortion has done to you will kill you if you don’t act fast.
(To Chinelo)
Her whole womb is perforated.

Chinelo shakes her head.

CUT TO:

INT – X-RAY ROOM – SAME

Chidi is done positioning Cynthia for an AP leg X-ray. He walks to the x-ray console to set the exposure factors. Nnenna is standing beside the patient.

{{FOR CYNTHIA AND CHIDI: MONITOR the x-ray columination light, once it goes off, say this—
CYNTHIA: The light has gone off.
CHIDI: Don’t worry about the light.}}
CHIDI
Nnenna, please come.

NNENNA
Ok
(Walks to Chidi in the cubicle)
Anything?

CHIDI
No, you can’t stay there while I make an exposure. You don’t need the x-rays.

NNENNA
Oh… so here is safe?

CHIDI
Yep that’s the word… it is safer here.
(Makes the exposure).

Chidi comes out of the cubicle and Nnenna follows him very closely.

CHIDI
(Giggles)
What are you doing?

NNENNA
Well you are the safest spot I suppose.

Chidi laughs.

CYNTHIA
I hope nothing will happen to me?

CHIDI
From the gunshot?

CYNTHIA
No, from you two. This one you guys ran away.

CHIDI
We didn’t run away, we went to take the x-ray.
(Positions her for the lateral view)
How did this happen?

CYNTHIA
Don’t mind all those criminals in this town.

NNENNA
It was a robbery?

CYNTHIA
Yes, just my small phone o, you can imagine.

NNENNA
They shot you because of your phone?

CYNTHIA
He shot me… just one person shot me.

CHIDI
You didn’t give him the phone or he shot you before asking?

CYNTHIA
I gave him the phone o

NNENNA
Then he still shot you?

CYNTHIA
Not exactly…

Chidi is leaving for the cubicle after the positioning.

NNENNA
What exactly…
(Notices Chidi leaving and moves quickly to him)

NNENNA (CONT’D)
(To Cynthia)
What exactly happened?

CYNTHIA
I don’t like the way you people are leaving me here.

CHIDI
(Giggles)
Cynthia we are here. We need to control the machine.
(Makes the exposure)
You can sit up now.

Cynthia sits up as the two medics walk towards her.

NNENNA
So, what exactly happened?

Chidi drops the cassette in the dark room.

CYNTHIA
Well, he took the phone and left.

NNENNA
After shooting you?

CYNTHIA
He shot my leg, not me.

CHIDI
(Giggles)
Your leg is a part of you na…

CYNTHIA
When you say he shot me, it sounds as if I’m dead. He shot my leg.

NNENNA
(Smiles)
Ok
(Giggles)
Funny one. Why don’t you want to tell us what happened?

CYNTHIA
Because I don’t want you guys to laugh.

CHIDI
(Giggles)
Really?

NNENNA
Wait wait… him shooting your leg was a funny thing?

CYNTHIA
Well… somehow.

NNENNA/CHIDI
Hmm…

CYNTHIA
Ok, I was going for morning mass, so he jumped out of nowhere, pointed a gun at me, asked for my phone, I gave it to him immediately and he left… and… ok.
(Mute)

NNENNA/CHIDI
And?

CYNTHIA
Ok he didn’t leave… he was leaving actually then I called him back…

NNENNA/CHIDI
What?/How?

CYNTHIA
(Sighs)
Yeah
(Speaks quickly)
I, I thought he only wanted the phone, so I called him back and I asked him for my SIM card.

NNENNA
(Calmly)
Jesus.

Chidi bursts into laughter.

NNENNA (CONT’D)
Damn
(Laughing)
That was crazy!

CHIDI
(Still laughing)
How exactly did you call him? “Hey gunman, my SIM please”

CYNTHIA
I told you I don’t want you guys to laugh.

NNENNA
Jeez babe… you are really funny.

Cynthia giggles.

INT – ULTRASOUND ROOM – SAME

Ngozi is sitting while Doctor Ilochukwu writes her report. Chinelo is standing beside the table.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
Have doctors John and Nwoye come this morning?

CHINELO
I’ve only seen Dr Nwoye. He said he’s covering for Dr Obi today too.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
These NYSC people. So Dr Obi won’t come? And I was going to send this lady to him. Anyway, you’ll send her report to Dr Nwoye, tell him to draw up a referral and send her to the Teaching Hospital to see the specialists… It’s really an emergency now. (Ngozi’s phone rings). Just a moment let me finish writing the report.

CHINELO
Ok.

NGOZI
(Picks the call)
Hello. Mummy good morning.
(Pauses)
Yes
(Pauses)
Yes I’m still at the hospital.
(Pauses)
No I’ll be fine. The doctors said it is just malaria.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU/CHINELO
What?

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
Which doctors?

NGOZI
(To Dr. Ilochukwu)
Shh… stop please.

CHINELO
Ah ah? Doctor I thought you said this was an emergency case?

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
Of course…

Chinelo grabs Ngozi’s phone and gives it to Dr Ilochukwu. Chinelo holds back the weak Ngozi

NGOZI
No no! Give me my phone.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
Is this Ngozi’s mother? Please try and come to hospital.
(Pauses)
No, it’s just a little problem, just that we need her parents to be here, we don’t trust these young people. When you come we’ll explain everything to you. Do so quickly please.

NGOZI
MUMMY DON’T …
(Chinelo covers Ngozi’s mouth her hand)
… come.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
Yes, Iris Clinic ma. Ok, bye.
(Continues writing the report)

Ngozi bites Chinelo’s hand out of her mouth.
CHINELO
Ouch!

NGOZI
Why did you tell my mom?

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
Young lady… Listen to me ok? Your womb has been badly damaged. To be frank, I’m surprised you are still alive. You shouldn’t be doing this… Try and be with the people who love you, it could well be the last time you’ll be seeing them.

NGOZI
(Sobs)
I can’t tell my mom, I can’t. She’ll kill me.

CHINELO
You are already dying.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
(To Chinelo)
Oya Chinelo, you can go.
(Gives her the report)
Tell Nwoye to hurry up, as fast as he can.

CUT TO

INT – X-RAY WAITING ROOM – SAME

Chidi stands by the door and calls on the Limping man.

CHIDI
Ude Chikeluba

The limping man responds and stands. Cynthia sits in the waiting room and Nnenna is about to leave as the limping man makes his way towards the x-ray room.

CHIDI
Chill na, let me finish with this man

NNENNA
I want to go and eat

CHIDI
Me too. We’ll go together.

NNENNA
I’ll get to the lab first, be sure no one is waiting there. I’ll be back in 10minutes.

CHIDI
Ok.

Nnenna leaves.

INT – X-RAY ROOM – SAME

Chidi shuts the door.

CHIDI
Mr. Chikeluba, good morning. What happened to you?

CHIKE
I fall..come break my leg.

CHIDI
You’ve taken an x-ray of the leg before?

CHIKE
No…

CHIDI
So who told you the leg is broken?

CHIKE
Native na him tell me.

CHIDI
You went to the native doctor after you fell?

CHIKE
Ehn nu… the fall wasn’t ordinary. And the leg come dey pain me…so I had to go to them

CHIDI
And the pain hasn’t stopped

CHIKE
Yes.

CHIDI
And now you are here..

CHIKE
You don see am o

CHIDI
For us to do the usual miracle. Anyway… Welcome to our miracle centre. Go into that changing room, pull off your trousers, wear the gown you’ll see there and come back out

INT – HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – SAME

DOCTOR JOHN and Ann are helping a migraine patient (JACOB) towards the patients’ room. John is carrying his bag. Jacob’s eyes are closed tightly as he groans in pain, holding his head restlessly. Nnenna sees them and helps Dr John with his bag.

NNENNA
Let me help you with the bag.
(Collects the bag and smiles as their eyes meet briefly)

DOCTOR JOHN
Thanks dear.

NNENNA
What’s wrong with him?

DOCTOR JOHN
A known case of recurrent migraine.

NNENNA
That’s painful.

DOCTOR JOHN
Very

Chinelo is walking past.

CHINELO
Doctor John good morning
(Smiles happily)

Nnenna dims her eyes jealously.

DOCTOR JOHN
Yes Chinelo, please help me get Diazapam and IM paracetamol.

CHINELO
Ann can do that, I’ll join you guys shortly. I need to help Dr Nwoye prepare a dying patient. (Moves on)

DOCTOR JOHN
(To himself)
Prepare a dying patient.

They enter the patient’s room.

JACOB
(Groaning)
Please the lights..

They switch off the lights and close the curtains.

DOCTOR JOHN
(To Ann)
Get me the drugs please.

Jacob gets really restless and Nnenna tries to calm him down. Jacob holds her hands.

JACOB
(Speaks gibberish)

NNENNA
What’s he saying?

DOCTOR JOHN
You may not understand all he’s saying. It happens sometimes. Just keep talking to him, let him know you are here. His name is Jacob. I’ll go get those drugs myself.

Immediately John opens the door, Jacob groans louder and stretches. Dr John pauses and tries coming back. Nnenna sees the light coming in.

NNENNA
No, Doctor John, keep going, it is the light from outside.

DOCTOR JOHN
That’s true. Please bolt the door. Open it only when I knock.

INT – ULTRASOUND ROOM – SAME

Ilochukwu is counseling Ngozi

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
With God all things are possible. It doesn’t matter how many wrongs you’ve done, just submit yourself back to him. When your parents come, a good way to start is by confessing everything.. Trust me, no matter how angry your mom gets, she can’t make you feel worse. You are already in a critical situation. In your heart, do reconcile with God at least, pray He forgives you…

Chinelo and Dr Nwoye come in with a wheelchair.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
… Doctor Nwoye…

Chinelo goes to help Ngozi sit in the wheelchair.

DOCTOR NWOYE
Dr Ilochukwu good morning. The ambulance is ready.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
Ok good. Hope you enclosed the report in her case file?

DOCTOR NWOYE
I did.

DOCTOR ILOCHUKWU
Please do accompany her to the Teaching Hospital, it’ll help get the surgeons attend to her as soon as they can.

DOCTOR NWOYE
Ok sir.
(To Chinelo)
Let’s go.

INT – X-RAY ROOM – SAME

Mr. Chikeluba is still lying on the x-ray couch. The dark room technician comes out with a wet radiograph of Chikeluba’s thigh and shows it to Chidi

CHIDI
Is the film ok?

DARKROOM TECHNICIAN
X-ray’s good. Come and see the man’s thigh.

Chidi looks at the radiograph. The fractured bones are growing along side each other (mal-union)

CHIDI
Hmm… Mr. Chikeluba, you really should have come here from day one. How long did this happen?

CHIKE
Since January.

CHIDI
That’s nine months ago?!

CHIKE
January last year.

CHIDI
One year and nine months ago?!!! Ha! Your native doctor must have been really good with his English language.

EXT – JACOB’S ROOM – SAME

Ann and Dr John approach Jacob’s room. Dr John is carrying syringes and drug bottles; Ann is carrying a chair.

DOCTOR JOHN
Sit right in front of the door. Don’t let anyone knock at all. The patient won’t be needing any disturbance. We’ll be out once he falls asleep.

ANN
Ok.

John knocks.

INT – JACOB’S ROOM – SAME

Nnenna leaves the restless Jacob and goes to the door.

NNENNA
Who’s there?

DOCTOR JOHN
Dr John.

Nnenna unbolts the door and opens the door slightly. Dr John squeezes himself in and they lock the door.

DOCTOR JOHN
Got the drug.

NNENNA
How will you see what you are doing? Here’s dark.

DOCTOR JOHN
Use the pillow case to blindfold him. I’ll switch on the lights and then inject him quickly.

NNENNA
Ok
(Goes to Jacob)
Jacob… sorry… just try and relax a little ok?

EXT – X-RAY ROOM – SAME

Chidi comes out of the x-ray room and looks at his wrist watch.

CHIDI
15minutes gone
(Picks up his books from the floor and drops them on the table before heading for the clinic corridor; now approaching Jacob’s room from one end)

INT – CLINIC CORRIDOR – SAME

Chinelo is hurrying with a tray of drugs towards Jacob’s room from the other end. Ann sees them coming and speaks up…

ANN
You two should slow down sha, its still Monday… before something else happens.

Chidi giggles and walks closely to the wall.

CHIDI
You have all the space in the world.

They both stop beside Ann

CHINELO
Where is Dr John?

ANN
He’s inside this room.

They all look at the room and the room light goes off.

ANN (CONT’D)
With Nnenna…

Chinelo and chidi raise their eyebrows in surprise

ANN (CONT’D)
And the patient that is having a migraine.

CHINELO
Let me give him these drugs.

ANN
No, he said no one should knock.

CHINELO
I won’t knock. I’ll simply go inside.

Chidi nods in agreement.

ANN
The door is locked, you’ll have to knock.

CHIDI
We’ll just shake the door handle, they’ll know someone wants to come in. (Walks towards the door)

ANN
(Stands)
Please don’t. Dr John gave me clear instructions not to let anyone in. The light disturbs the patient.

CHINELO
Well I have to give him these drugs.

ANN
He has all the drugs he needs

CHINELO
What drugs did you bring for him?

ANN
I don’t know, he…

CHIDI/CHINELO
(Interrupts Ann quickly)
You don’t know?!

ANN (CONT’D)
He…
(Sighs)
He took them himself

CHIDI/CHINELO
Oh…

Chidi tucks in his lips; Chinelo nods in defeat.

CHINELO
I’ll just wait around then.

CHIDI
Yeah me too.

CHINELO
The x-ray room is over there Chidi.

Chidi
Nurse Chinelo, I know. You are not exactly seeing a patient here.

CHINELO
I’m carrying drugs.
(To Ann)
Shift please…

Ann shifts and Chinelo shares the seat with her.

INT – JACOB’S ROOM – SAME

Jacob is still restless.

NNENNA
The drug is not working.

DOCTOR JOHN
It’s just to help him sleep. It will do that soon.

NNENNA
My elder sister normally has migraine attacks. She takes Optalidon sometimes, with Lexotan, or Cafegot. We heard there are more specific drugs for migraine, but, never found them in any pharmacy.

DOCTOR JOHN
Well, we are in that part of the world where we all manage to survive.

NNENNA
You know, it’s so agonising. Most times we are just helpless, all we did then was to sit around her and cry bitterly with her. (Jacob is quiet now). I almost could touch the pain she was feeling, it was expressing itself so loudly. Jacob is really trying, he’s even quiet.

DOCTOR JOHN
Well, he’s just being a man.

NNENNA
No, not that… I think he has fallen asleep finally.

DOCTOR JOHN
Oh
(Checks his pulse)
Yeah, finally.

Brief pause.

DOCTOR JOHN/NNENNA
So…

NNENNA
(Sighs)
You can “so” on…

DOCTOR JOHN
No, you go on.

NNENNA
Nah I have nothing to say.

DOCTOR JOHN
You were going to say something.

NNENNA
Yes, I mean, not really, I was going to think as I talk..

Dr. John giggles.

NNENNA (CONT’D)
Yeah I was almost going to ask you if you are married then I remembered I know you beyond that level…and there’s nothing new to ask about… You know, on a first meeting basis.

DOCTOR JOHN
Really… so I am the old Johnny now.

NNENNA
(Giggles)
No na… How old can you be?

DOCTOR JOHN
I’m doing my youth service now

NNENNA
And I’m an intern. That’s virtually one year difference if you want to claim youth service is a sign of old age.

EXT – JACOB’S ROOM – SAME

CHIDI
What are they doing?

CHINELO
They are eating the patient.

CHIDI
We have to call someone..

CHINELO
Who now? A professor of neurology to manage a migraine case? Even sunshades can take care of that.

CHIDI
I don’t have your time now Nelo, I’m very hungry.

CHINELO
My dear go and eat.

CHIDI
I… Anyway.

CHINELO
So… I get.

CHIDI
You get what?

CHINELO
Never mind

CHIDI
Never mind what?

CHINELO
Never mind what I got.

Chidi hisses.

CHINELO
Yeah yeah.

CHIDI
Yeah yeah yeah.

CHINELO
Hunger will kill you before she comes out.

Ann giggles.

CHIDI
Before who comes out?

CHINELO
Please we all know you are waiting to take Nnenna out for breakfast.

CHIDI
Big head!

Ann and Chinelo laugh.

CHIDI (CONT’D)
Well, let’s hope jealousy doesn’t kill you too.

CHINELO
What will I be jealous of?

CHIDI
We all know too you are waiting for Dr John to notice you.

CHINELO
(Shocked)
Chidi I hope you perish!

Chidi and Ann laugh.

ANN
Good one Chidi…

CHINELO
Will you stand up from this seat?

Ann stands up and falls into Chidi’s arms, laughing. They see Dr Nwoye walking sadly towards them. They stop laughing.

DOCTOR NWOYE
Is Dr Ilochukwu in his office?

ANN/CHINELO/CHIDI
Yes…

CHINELO
What happened?

DOCTOR NWOYE
That girl, Ngozi… She died before she was operated on

CHINELO/CHIDI/ANN
Oh no/Jesus/My God

DOCTOR NWOYE
Well…
(Raises his shoulders)
Dunno… Life can be so strange.

CHIDI
See what abortion caused.

CHINELO
And the girl’s mom is on her way to this place. She should have just kept that pregnancy.

DOCTOR NWOYE
What can be done? The girl is dead…
(Walks away)

Chinelo, Ann and Chidi are speechless.

TIME CUT
INT – JACOB’S ROOM – SAME

Nnenna is laughing.

DOCTOR JOHN
Shh.. Easy. You’ll wake Jacob up.

NNENNA
Can a simple laughter reverse the effect of the drug?

DOCTOR JOHN
(Giggles)
Of course… Especially when it is a beautiful laugh from a beautiful princess.

NNENNA
(Scoffs)
Dr John, you must have read a lot of books from the writer of the Frog Prince where pretty princesses reverse a whole lot of strange things thru odd means.

DOCTOR JOHN
At least we are now certain Nnenna is a pretty princess.

Nnenna laughs quietly

EXT – JACOB’S ROOM – SAME

Chinelo is sharing the seat with Chidi. Ann is sitting on Chidi’s laps.

CHIDI
Are you sure we shouldn’t knock? What if something has gone wrong?

Chinelo stands and gives Ann the tray. She goes to the door and pulls the handle.

INT – JACOB’S ROOM – SAME

Dr John and Nnenna see the door handle shaking.

DOCTOR JOHN
I almost forgot I kept Ann outside.

NNENNA
Hunger…

DOCTOR JOHN
What?

NNENNA
Hunger o… I forgot I was going to eat…

DOCTOR JOHN
I haven’t eaten too. Let’s go together.

NNENNA
Uhm…

DOCTOR JOHN
Come on…
(Takes Nnenna’s hand and opens the door)

EXT – JACOB’S ROOM – SAME

Chidi and Ann stands as the door opens.

DOCTOR JOHN
Nelo… the patient is sleeping. Don’t switch on the lights unless he tells you to.

Dr John is still holding Nnenna’s hand as they leave for the canteen. Chidi dims his eyes and smirks; Chinelo tries not to frown.

BLACK OUT
Prince-Ody
30-September-2013.

Prinsedira, Wuzybury

Writing Wrongs: 10 Movie Titles with Bad Grammar

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Entertainment

For all the considerable resources that go into marketing Hollywood movies, it would seem that scant attention is paid to checking the grammar and punctuation of film titles. Case in point, the new Star Trek, whose title omits a punctuation mark that not-so-subtly changes the meaning of the words. TIME copy chief Danial Adkison and copy editor Douglas Watson offer their professional judgment on some other suspect movie titles.



Image: Star Trek Poster

Paramount Pictures

Star Trek Into Darkness

“The movie in which a celebrity goes on a long hike in the middle of the night.”

Suggested fix: A colon

Star Trek: Into Darkness



Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Buena Vista Pictures Distribution

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

“Is it really O.K. to ask a question and not put a question mark at the end.”

Suggested fix: A question mark

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?



Law Abiding Citizen

Overture Films

Law Abiding Citizen

“Some citizens the law can abide; others it cannot stand.”

View original post 291 more words

😀

Scriptangel's Blog

Getting your unsolicited script made, or even read by a production company, is about the toughest way to break into the industry, but lots of people still ask me about it so here’s my two-pennies-worth…

get unsolicited script read by production companies

If I go back only ten years I could have written a list here of nearly a hundred film and television production companies who would accept scripts submitted by new writers (writers they didn’t know, and who didn’t have an agent).  I know because I made a living reading for about twenty of them.  Sadly, that is no longer the case. It costs money to employ readers to plough through tens of thousands of scripts each year.  The reality is that of those thousands of spec scripts, only a handful will be good enough for the production company to want to develop it and try to get it made.  In essence the return on the money…

View original post 353 more words

Script: [VALEREX]: Land Of The Same King

I feel not only the logline and synopsis are important when trying to market a script. If every character in the story has a very unique role to play, I believe tabling out the “characters history” adds something nice and vital to the whole “pitching” thing. Characters History will just tell the reader some of the key things every character will do and their relationship with other characters.

This is a script I started writing on 15th January, 2013, the major thing I worked on was identifying the important characters in the movie idea. The title is “The Same King”, of which if it gets really interesting then I could name it further, “Valerex: The Land of the Same King”. I particularly don’t know how to classify a story into just one genre, so “The Same King” is basically Fantasy, Action/Adventure, a little Epic, a little Underworld, and Film Noir… (whatever that means 😀 lol… It is not really “Film Noir” though..).

Since the whole story is still under construction, I’ll now try playing around with the “characters history” I talked about, or maybe “Charactography” (trying to fit “biography” into the picture).

It is hard to pen down a logline before writing the script, but maybe this one will do for the “Valerex” script: “Soldiers who killed their king for being a dreaded werewolf bite more than they can chew after realising the king’s entire lineage have been werewolves from time immemorial.”

1. King Ottovera of Valerex: King of Valerex, husband and father. Killed by his army after he was found guilty of being the werewolf they’ve been hunting.

2. Queen Euvera of Valerex: Wife of King Ottovera. A mother of two, and Queen of Valerex. Her sudden death made Ottovera stroll out carelessly without covering his tracks as the werewolf.

3. Lady Callivera of Valerex: Daughter of Ottovera, later Queen-Mother. She banished her son Maxwell to Tygrix, the land of no moon, so she could hold off a revolution alone, sacrificing herself in the process.

4. Prince Rexuel (Later King Rexuel of Valerex), son of Ottovera and brother of Lady Callivera. He died for the same reasons as did his father and forefathers before him.

5. Prince Maxwell of Crox (Later King Maxwell of Valerex and King of Tygrix); protected by his mother Lady Callivera, Maxwell survived an attack from his army after he was accused of being the werewolf terrorising the land. He went to Tygrix where he was aided by the lady Jasmine to become King, and plotted a return to Valerex with the rapidly evolving “wolfmen” of Tygrix.

6. Lord Calvin of Crox: Maxwell’s father and husband of Lady Callivera. He was killed while trying to protect King Ottovera from his own army.

7. General Lynx Rela (Later Sir Lynx Rela); Takes pride in hunting werewolves. He was knighted by Rexuel for killing his own father, King Ottovera. Lynx later led the attack that brought about the death of Rexuel. He also attempted to execute Prince Maxwell but met his end at the hands of Lady Callivera.

8. Jadson Rela: General Lynx’s son and Maxwell’s best friend. He was caught in between the line during an attempt by his father to arrest Maxwell. He was shot several times by his father’s army after his motive was misjudged.

9. Jasmine Rela: (Later Queen Jasmine of Tygrix and Valerex): General Lynx’s daughter, admired by Prince Maxwell. She found Maxwell lying helpless at the River Youlv on his way to Tygrix after he was sent away by his mother Callivera. With the aid of a Witch of Sewid, Jasmine brought Maxwell to Tygrix where she used the charms the sewidian gave her to lure and secretly kill the Crown Prince Iris of Tygrix. She then persuaded the king to crown Maxwell King of Tygrix, promising to return the people of Tygrix to their rightful place in Valerex. After Jasmine had a son of her own, she plotted to get rid of all the Vera clan and Tygrixian werewolves, crowning her son as Infant King of Valerex, hoping he won’t turn out to be the same king of old.

*Phew* I think this will be enough for now, save the other characters for later. When the script is done I’ll certainly post some of the scenes in the Movie Lyrics category of this blog. 🙂

Movie Lyrics: Stop Those Nuns

During the Christmas holiday I saw an old bag of mine containing very old books. One of them was a story I wrote some years back, I laughed at some of the instructions I wrote for the actors. It was meant to be a “romantic comedy”, I dunno if it fits in now. I jotted down the movie idea back in 2007 (no record of the month), then I almost started writing it on Sunday, the 30th of March 2008 (lol, “almost”). Then I did whatever it is I did on it on the 16th of August 2008 and finally started writing on the 12th of September 2008 and ended the first page on the 23rd of September, 2008 at 11:22am (school is really a big work). The rest of the story was written from 19th March, 2009 to 30th August, 2009.
I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw those dates, it was indeed very slow.. Two years!!

Anyway… I’ll let you read some of the scenes, hopefully you’ll make a meaning out of them.
The title is “Stop Those Nuns”, a tale of Love at second sight and how STANLEY tries everything possible to convince a Nun-wannabe to marry him. Setting of the story is in Nigeria.. 🙂

“To marry is divine. To serve God in holiness is uniquely divine, but to do both is more divine.” – Mother Elizabeth will say this in this movie.
STOP THOSE NUNS

INT. JULIET’S ROOM, CHIEF ERNEST’S HOUSE- MORNING

JULIET is sitting in front of her mirror brushing her hair. She’s dressed in a Nun’s gown, talking to SAMMIE over the phone.

Juliet
Please Sammie, the name is not Julie, it is Juliet. At least if you get to make things formal a little, then you can get me out of your head.
(Pauses)
Look mister, I’ve made up my mind. I’m continuing with the convent. I’ll be a reverend sister.
(Pauses)
Of course they don’t get married, even if they do I’ll certainly not marry you.
_______________________________________________________________________________________

Chief Ernest
I am fed with this liberty you always preach, look what it has cost us. Juliet couldn’t even hook up a MAN! Other girls and daughters of men of my class will jump at that liberty and date all the men they can have.

Mrs Ernest
But it is quite better for us.

Chief Ernest
(Surges up with his palms pointing towards Mrs Ernest’s neck).
What is better?
(Sits down again and takes a deep breath).
She is our only child. Do we owe her? Why then does she want to owe us?

Mrs Ernest
She doesn’t owe us Ernest, she came from the Lord first, remember? Remember how we cried unto the Lord Ernest.
(Chief Ernest mimics Mrs Ernest’s voice as he says the next line with her)

Chief/Mrs Ernest
We can’t deny the Lord.

Ernest brings out a pocket diary and writes briefly into it.

Chief Ernest
See? It is the two thousand, two hundred and twenty second time you’ve said that since you gave birth to Juliet, more like a hundred times every year.
(Leans forward and speaks gently)
Did you plan all these?

Juliet comes into the dining room with her bag and immediately she shuts the door her parents stand up. Chief Ernest is practically hiding behind Mrs Ernest.

Mrs Ernest
Julie.

Juliet
Mom, Dad, good morning.
(Smiles).
Why are you standing?

Mrs Ernest
Are you not eating with us?

Juliet
(Whispers).
Fasting.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

… Juliet enters the bus

Basilia
Julie.

Juliet
Hi Basilia.

Basilia
I knew you’ll return someday.

Juliet
I’m here now.

Jane
Welcome Julie.

Juliet
Thanks Jane.

Maryann
Welcome Julie.

Juliet
Maryann.
(Gives Maryann a hug).
It’s good to see you.
(Looks at Maryjoy).
Hi.

The bus begins to move.

Maryjoy
There is nothing left to say.
(Raises her shoulders).

Juliet
Sure Maryjoy
(Sits next to a window).

CUT TO:
INT. NYSC BUS- SAME

Jesse
Is this camp of ours not far? I’m getting bored.

Stanley
I thought travelling was your hobby?

Jesse
That’s when I’m travelling to the U.S or Japan or Dubai or…

Victoria
Jesse, we all know you’ve never taken a bus before.
(Stanley smiles widely and puts his face towards the window as the bus stops to get fuel in a Gas station).

The Nuns’ bus also stops for fuel and parks beside the Nysc bus. Stanley and Juliet’s eyes meet and Stanley pops up immediately with his eyes wide open while Juliet dims her eyes, gazing at him. Maryjoy notices them.

INT. NUNS’ BUS- SAME

Maryjoy
Still looking at boys, Juliet?

Everyone looks at Juliet at once and Maryann holds her forehead and shakes her head.

Juliet
It is my eyes, Maryjoy.
(Bows her head).

INT. NYSC BUS- SAME
Stanley
(Pointing his thumb at the Nuns’ bus).
Don’t we know that chic?

Victoria
It is a bus, for reverend-sister-wannabes. There are no chicks in it, let alone we knowing one.

Stanley
I think I’ve seen her before.

Jesse
Stan, they put on veils in order for you not to know them again, why can’t you just fall for it?
(Victoria giggles).
__________________________________________________________________________________

Stanley
What do you mean Vicky? I’m telling you she’s the man’s daughter.

Jesse
Of course she should be a man’s daughter

Stanley
I’m going to track her Jesse, I kind of like the girl.

Victoria
You are going to track a Nun… Listen to yourself Stanley. No weapon fashioned against them shall proper.

Stanley
I’m not going after her with a weapon.

Jesse
Love is a weapon, brother.
___________________________________________________________________________________

Kate
Take you there? That’s not possible. They didn’t even let my brother in, remember?
(Smiles)
But there was one way he went in

Victoria/Stanley/Jesse
How?
____________________________________________________________________________________

Victoria
Are you suggesting we sneak in?

Jesse
Into a covenant?

Kate
(Corrects Jesse)
Convent.

Jesse
(Echoes)
Convent.

Stanley
Why not?

Victoria
I have work, Stanley.

Stanley
I have pals that will cover for me.

Jesse
Stan, we can’t just sneak into a convent to meet a girl we’ve never met before. What if she screams?

Victoria
I wonder o!

Stanley
Nobody will scream.

Jesse
How can you be so sure?

Stanley
Well she won’t scream. Why would she do that?

Jesse
You are vouching for someone you don’t even know. Does love at first sight come with a degree of idiocy?

Stanley
SHE WILL NOT SCREAM!

Jesse
But it is a convent, Stanley.

Stanley
And so?

Jesse
A convent for reverend sisters!

Stanley
No, for reverend brothers. What do you take a convent for anyway?

Victoria
Holy of holies my dear, we shouldn’t joke with it.

Stanley
Please, a convent, according to Harold Balogi, is a building where you can run in to become a virgin even if you’ve been a whore all your life.

The three look at him with their mouths wide open.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Stanley
So are you saying we can’t see chief today?

Kate
(Walking inside).
I’m not saying it, I’ve said it. Let me get the robes for you.
(Goes in).

Victoria
I guess something is really pissing your uncle off.

Jesse
I guess the guy is broke.
____________________________________________________________________________________________

Stanley
(Puts his arm around her)
Let’s just say I have this good feeling for you, so so pure that a sinner like me can’t afford to speak of it.

Juliet
(Calmly)
Blood of the Lamb, save us all.
(Takes Stanley’s arm off)
You can’t just come and scoop a nun.

Stanley
What kind of a nun uses the word scoop?

Juliet
Scoop is slang, not blasphemy. Perhaps sinners only understand worldly words.

Stanley
I’m not sure how to say this Juliet, but…

Juliet
How did you know my name? You were the one in the bus today right?

Stanley
Yes I was. Can we sit and talk?

Juliet
Why?
(Calls out to Maryann).
MARYANN!

Stanley
My name is Stanley, not Maryann.

Juliet
MARYANN! I’m calling my partner, not you. MARYANN!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Maryjoy
Juliet ran off again? We should crown her Our Lady the Confused.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Juliet stumbles in laughing. Stanley is amazed.

Juliet
(To the other girls trailing her).
There are two of them.
(To Stanley and Jesse)
Hi, welcome. I’m Juliet.

Jesse stretches forth his hand as Stanley is remains speechless and motionless.

Jesse
Of course, Juliet, nice to meet you.
(Shake hands with Juliet as the other girls come in).
(Whispers into Stanley’s ears)
How come we didn’t think of new names?

Maryann
Hi, welcome home.

Stanley/Jesse
Thank you.

Maryann
I’m Maryann.

Jesse
I am Jessi–ca
(Looks at a Rosary)
Rosario. Jessica-Rosario.

Maryann
Nice name. Are you sisters?

Jesse
Of course.

Juliet
Your dad must be proud of you two.

Stanley
Oh no, not that kind of sisters. We have different parents but we are sisters in the Lord.

Juliet
That’s lovelier to know.
(Introduces the rest of the girls)
This is Basilia. This is Maryjoy, this is Priscilla, and this is Mary. This is also Mary, this is Mary also, this is Mary too, this too is Mary, but we call her Mary-Mary, she has a twin that’s why. This is Anna, this is Theodora, this is Mary-Theresa and this is the last Mary here present. The other girls went on evangelism. Don’t worry; you’ll get to know us all.

Maryjoy
(To Stanley)
So what is your name?

Stanley
Oh, I’m Mary. Mary-Stan.

Maryjoy
Did you…
(Touches Stanley’s right cheek with her finger).
… apply makeup?

All
MARYJOY?

Maryjoy
Crucify me o! I only asked a question. The girl’s face is too brown for my liking.

Jesse
For your liking?

____________________________________________________________________________________

Juliet
Please stop flattering me.

Stanley
But I’m not, I mean, you should be every guys’ dream

Juliet
(Lies on her stomach too)
You must stop. I don’t seem to be in love with anyone. If not I had many guys after me those days, but, they were all not just meant for me.

Stanley
And you believe the convent is?

Juliet
You really sound like Mother Elizabeth in one of her tempting moods.
(Smiles)
Are you sure you are ready to be a nun in three days?

Stanley
Are you?

Juliet
(Becomes cold as she lies on her back).
Mary-Stan, do you believe in love at first sight?

Stanley
Yeah, it works most of the time.

Juliet
It played its magic on me once, not long ago, though I never had the chance to try it out. The guy was cute, bold, I saw him in a bus in a filling station……………

Top 10 Movies I Saw in 2012

They may be old, but they were worth the time. I can’t make any comments on them right now…its Christmas eve you know!

1. August Rush (Music is all around us, all you need to do is listen).
2. Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Gahoole (I am still working on my evil stare)
3. I am Number Four
4. Source Code
5. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
6. The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn
7. The Other End of the Line
8. The Illusionist
9. Evan Almighty
10. Machine Gun Preacher

Scriptwriting: Setting Up An Emotional Moment- WRITTEN BY HAL CROASMUN

Have you ever noticed that even though a great story has big moments, it is also filled with many small emotional moments?

As I watched “FOR LOVE OF THE GAME,” there was a small emotional moment in the story that surprised me. In the eighth inning, an outfielder catches a ball that would have gone over the wall and been a home run. Normally, you’d feel excitement or relief at something like that, but the feeling was deeper — more like redemption.

Why did we feel redemption? Because the writer set it up. Not the director, or actor, or producer, or even the studio. The writer designed that moment.

Naturally, I began searching for what caused that emotion. As always, my purpose is to discover the structure so you and I can duplicate the feat of turning a typical scene into a deep emotional one.

HERE’S THE STRUCTURE:

A. NEGATIVE:

A negative occurs that has an emotional impact on a character. It upsets, humiliates, embarrasses, exposes, etc. the character. Or it could even be a limitation that the character expresses as a positive. (You’ll see that in one of the PRETTY WOMAN examples below.) But first, the negative from FOR LOVE OF THE GAME:

The catcher laughs with Kevin Costner about how ESPN always plays the shot of Mickey Hart, an outfielder, who goes to the wall to catch a potential homerun, but the ball hits him on the head and bounces over the wall.

Then, we flashback and watch the painful event happen.

B. IMPACT:

The impact of the negative is shown.

In the locker room, Mickey is humiliated that this happened to him. He says to Kevin Costner “It will probably end up on ESPN.” Kevin gives him advice about not helping the media to make a fool out of him.

Obviously, they did make a fool out of him and that’s why the catcher is laughing about how they always play it on ESPN.

C. OVERCOMES IT:

The character overcomes the negative.

It’s the eighth inning, just when it looks like Kevin Costner is going to have a “perfect game” with no hits and no men on base, a long fly ball goes out to Mickey Hart’s wall. He runs to the wall, jumps and catches it just over the top of the wall.

D. IS RECOGNIZED:

Other characters recognize the change

Suddenly, other characters are shouting “We love you, Mickey Hart.” Kevin Costner nods at him in approval. And the man who was so humiliated is the one who saves the day.

There it is. We feel so glad that Mickey Hart has redeemed himself and that other players and the media are showing him respect again. Why? Because the emotion was designed into the setup. By humiliating Mickey Hart in the beginning, there was the chance to have a much more dramatic emotion when we redeemed him.

Now that I’ve recognized this structure, I realize it is in almost every movie I’ve seen. To prove my case, let me present five of the ten (or more) times it is in the movie PRETTY WOMAN. As you read through these, it will become more clear how this structure works and the absolute need for it.

Each one of these is designed to create an emotional experience for the audience and to cause a “believable change” in one or more characters.

 

From PRETTY WOMAN

1. “SHOPPING CAN BE SO HARD”

A. NEGATIVE:

Vivian is sent out on a mission to get some clothes for an upscale dinner. She finds a store on Rodeo Drive. Dressed in her hooker clothes, she goes in and instantly gets dirty looks. She finds a dress and asks how much it is.

But both of the stuck up clerks refuse to wait on her. Finally, they say, “I don’t think we have anything for you. You’re obviously in the wrong place. Please leave.”

B. IMPACT:

Humiliated, Vivian walks out. Now she knows that she doesn’t fit in. Upon return to the hotel, she is taken to the office by the Hotel manager and interrogated. Once again, humiliated.

C. OVERCOMES IT:

The hotel manager sets her up with Bridgette to get her a new dress.

D. IS RECOGNIZED:

When Edward comes in and sees her dressed like a lady for the first time, he stares. She says, “You’re late.” He responds, “You’re stunning.” She laughs; “You’re forgiven.”

There is a second time where recognition comes: After a day of shopping and being “sucked up to,” she returns to the first shop, dressed well and with shopping bags from big stores. She walks to the stuck up sales lady who refused to wait on her and says “Remember me? I was in here yesterday. You wouldn’t wait on me. You work on commission, right?… Big mistake. Huge. I have to go shopping now.” She walks out, leaving behind a confused salesperson.

 

2. “COME WITH ME, YOUNG LADY.”

A. NEGATIVE:

The Hotel manager spots Vivian coming in wearing her hooker  clothes and takes her into his office. He interrogates her and lets her know in no uncertain terms that when Edward is gone, she is not to come around the hotel again.

B. IMPACT:

Vivian is very upset. She has been treated badly by many people and is humiliated that she can’t get clothes to look the part. She begs for his help. She thinks he is calling the cops when he dials Bridgette to help her get clothes.

C. OVERCOMES IT:

He helps her with clothes and teaches her dinner manners. She tells him that he’s “cool.”

D. IS RECOGNIZED:

When she leaves, the manager kisses her hand and says “It’s been a pleasure knowing you. Come and visit us again some time.”

When Edward is checking out, the hotel manager looks at the jewels Edward has asked him to return to the jewelry store. He says, “Must be difficult to let go of something so beautiful.” Edward nods. “You know, Darrel also drove Miss Vivian home yesterday.”

 

3. “SHE’S A HOOKER.”

A. NEGATIVE:

Edward tells his attorney, Phil, that Vivian is a hooker, not a corporate spy who is trying to get information from him. Then Phil approaches Vivian and tells her he knows. Even tries to set up a date with her.

B. IMPACT:

Vivian is humiliated. She and Edward argue. She calls him an asshole and freaks out emotionally. They insult each other. She demands he pay her. He tosses the money on the bed.

C. OVERCOMES IT:

She leaves the room, but without the money. When he sees that she left the money, he comes out to the elevator and apologizes for real. He asks her to stay. Tells her he was jealous of her talking to another guy.

D. IS RECOGNIZED:

She chooses to stay and he starts treating her like a woman, instead of a hooker. From that point on, they interact like a couple. He says, “I think you are a very bright, very special woman.”

 

4. BREAKING UP COMPANIES

A. NEGATIVE:

Edward tells Vivian that he buys companies and breaks them up and sells the pieces for more than the cost of the whole. Vivian responds, “So it’s sort like stealing cars and selling them for parts.”

B. IMPACT:

Most of the business conflict is over Edward trying to take over Morris Industries and tear it apart. Mr. Morris, the 65-year-old says, “I’m sure you understand that I’m not thrilled with the idea of turning 40 years of my work into your garage sale…Leave my company alone.” As he is leaving, he says to Edward, “Watch out, Lewis. I’m going to tear you apart.”

Vivian recaps the evening and says, “The problem is, I think you like Mr. Morris.” She tells her philosophy on turning tricks. Edward says, “You and I are such similar creatures. We both screw people for money.”

C. OVERCOMES IT:

After a series of negotiations and hard ball moves, Edward neglects to call the bank and have a loan that Mr. Morris applied for canceled. Edward talks about how he used to play with blocks, building things, instead of tearing them apart.

In the final meeting, when Mr. Lewis gives in, Edward tells Mr. Morris that he has changed his mind about breaking his company apart. Instead, he wants to protect it and be partners with Mr Morris.

D. IS RECOGNIZED:

Mr. Morris compliments him: “I don’t know how to say this without sounding condescending, but…I’m proud of you.”

 

5. KISSING ON THE MOUTH

A. NEGATIVE:

Edward makes a light attempt to kiss Vivian, but she shuns him. When she’s about to have sex with him, she says “What do you want?” He says “What do you do?” She replies: “Everything, but I don’t kiss on the mouth.” They have sex, but no kissing.

She later tells him “Kit is always saying to me; don’t get emotional when you turn tricks. That’s why no kissing. It’s too personal.”

Then they have a sex scene on the piano where he tries to kiss her twice, but she refuses each advance.

B. IMPACT:

As long as they don’t kiss, they’re not really in a relationship.

C. OVERCOMES IT:

After having the “She’s a hooker” argument, he starts treating her like a person. They go to the opera on a “real date.” Upon returning, she kisses him and they make love for real.

D. IS RECOGNIZED:

At lunch with Kit, Vivian says “Edward asked me if I wanted to see him again, but I think not.” Kit says “Oh, no. I know this weepy look on your face. You fell in love with him, didn’t you?” Vivian denies it. Kit says “You fell in love with him. Did you kiss him on the mouth?” Vivian admits she did. They banter back and forth about whether the relationship could work out, but clearly, she is in love.

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WHAT TO DO?

Essentially, these are little vignettes that play out in your script. Most of them will be in the background of the real story. Some will be complete subplots, but others will blend into scenes in ways that are virtually unnoticeable.
 

If you are trying to create an emotional moment, look to see if it has been set up properly. If it hasn’t, then set it up to have the elements of this structure.

You could start with the event you want to be emotional. Let’s say you have a teenaged female character whose father asks her to drive. It’s not a very emotional moment in a story that is all about her first love. But let’s see if using this structure can give this one moment some emotion.

 

A. NEGATIVE:

Her brother is one year older and when he gets his learners permit, she watches her father gloat over what a good driver he is. But when it comes time for her to learn to drive, he tells her mother to teach her. The daughter takes that as evidence that her father doesn’t believe in her.

B. IMPACT:

She cries the whole time her mom is teaching her to drive. Once she has her driver’s license, she expects to drive with her father, but he hands the keys to the brother. More upset.

C. OVERCOMES IT:

She has an argument with her brother about who gets to drive. The dad overhears it. The next day, he has a special event downtown and hands her the keys. “I was hoping you’d drive me today.”

D. IS RECOGNIZED:

In the car, he tells her a secret. “You’re a much better at most things than your brother, so I kinda wanted to give him something to be proud of. I’m sorry that it hurt you.”

 

Okay, it’s not brilliant, but it shows that in about two minutes, you can elevate the emotion of an event just by setting it up well. And this vignette could be one of those that plays in the background as she struggles with her identity.

If you’ve ever had a moment that you thought should be emotional, but either wasn’t or it came off as corny, this may be the solution you need. You can keep the moment if you just set it up well.

Great dialogue is instrumental in raising the level of emotion in your scenes and setting them up well; There’s a great class for improving your dialogue in “Advanced Dialogue Screenwriting Class” that covers this and more. (Visit http://www.screenwritingu.com)