Hallucinations of the Prinsediran XXII: This is Dedicated [To You]

It’s been a while, but me is finally here, to tell moi about a new found hobby – proofreading and editing project works, especially to pen down the dedication.
Seeing quite a few, I made [and I will make] the dedication:
1. To this great university, for all the tears and the laughter, a true taste of bittersweet. God made them all.
2. To my mother, without whom, I do not know.
3. To everyone who taught me kindly and to the greatest of them all, being my own mother.
4. To all of us – every one of us who depend wholly on God.
5. To God, the One unknown, the One unseen, the One above all.
6. To the light that shone on our path.
7. To me, for I am finally here.
8. To sleep, you are more than a conqueror.
9. To the sun, who is far more dedicated to trying to kill me.
10. To the moirai and the thread.
11. To them – to them – to them all.
12. To the mornings, to the nights, and to the mornings again.
13. To God, wasn’t that you?
14. To love, most especially when it’s called Rachael.
15. To the rainbow, for your zeal to accommodate us all.
16. To all our efforts, our efforts to become greater.
17. To this and that; everything that arouses our emotions.
18. To all of us who are consistently trying to go home.
19. To us, all of us who don’t belong here.
20. To those days.
21. To you, for all we said.
22. To sleep I go now [no pun intended].
23. To you who is happy for this work, Jah bless.
24. To the voice that made Chaos and Erebus flee.
25. To my mind, o dear you’re a runner.
26. To you, you actually don’t know yourself. It is you who forgave me a thousand times, now you know.
27. To the trees that made these pages, rest on.
28. To no one, for everyone has been my rock.
29. To us, to those little steps that grew into sprints.
30. To life, just so you know I am loyal.
31. To those voices, those voices that never gave up.
32. To my daughter whose coming draws nigh.
33. To those bad moments – you lost.
34. To my father, who is worth fathering the entire world.
35. To my family, just the way same you feel about yours. *[way same].
36. To the ink, to he that bends it judiciously – the last ink bender.
37. To everyone’s disapproval πŸ˜€
38. To amity, to armistice, to accord, the one that passes all understanding.

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Hallucinations of the Prinsediran XXI: I Am Not [Good]

Thinking hard, I said to me, I was not affectionate.

I was not compassionate
I was not courteous
I was not gracious
I was not gentle
I was not tolerant.

I was not honest
I was not candid
I was not precise
I was not open
I was not truthful.

I was not magnificent
I was not excellent
I was not brilliant
I was not beautiful
I was not glorious.

I was not marvellous
I was not deluxe
I was not wonderful
I was not worthy
I was not good.

I was not delightful
I was not sumptuous
I was not delicious
I was not sugary
I was not sweet.

I was not bold
I was not gallant
I was not fearless
I was not confident
I was not brave.

Hallucinations of the Prinsediran XX: I Am Beginning To [Be Human]

It is meant to be an era of new beginnings, and Moi has not been left out. Like the rest who are ‘obsessed with the idea of long life on earth’, Moi said to me;

I am beginning to hate those who hate me
I am beginning to love those who love me.
I am beginning to hate silence, the silence of the silent ones.

I am beginning to think of those who think of me
I am beginning to forget those who forgot me.
I am beginning to sting the weak, a mouth full of praises for the strong.

I am beginning to gossip about those who gossip about me
I beginning to love myself more than my neighbours.
I am beginning to fling those who flung me, and off to find those who found me.

I am beginning to betray you
I am beginning to tell stories about you.
I am beginning to make mistakes on purpose, and make an apology for things I plan to do again.

I am beginning to desire your homes
I am beginning to desire your jobs
I am beginning to desire your food.
I am beginning to crave your happiness
I am beginning to wish you sadness.

I am beginning to crave for bad news
I am beginning to create bad news.
I am beginning to love the downfall of my enemies.

I am beginning to be human.
But until that transition is complete, don’t assume I am there yet;
For I still love silence.

Hallucinations of the Prinsediran XIX: One Is [In Between]

Here we are again, in a life where everyone tends to pick one end of the line. Moi looked upon me and said,

“One is either good or bad, one can still be in between. Judge.”

One is either black or white, one can still be in between. Grey.

One is either dead or alive, one can still be in between. Ghost.

One is either fair or dark, one can still be in between. Chocolate.

One is either kind or unkind, one can still be in between. Detached.

One is either careful or careless, one can still be in between. Carefree.

One is either a curse or a blessing, one can still be in between. Balak.

One is either hot or cold, one can still be spat out. Lukewarm.

One is either visible or invisible, one can still be in between. Vanishing.

One is either an angel or a demon, one can still be in between. Bad Pastors, Good Witches.

One is either in here or in there, one can still be in between. Irrelevant.

Hallucinations of the Prinsediran XVIII: I Will Be [An Example]

A full circle and a few more turns and we are here again. It’s been long I heard from Moi, but Moi is finally here and to let Me know of what will be.

One won’t say one wants to be rich or famous or anything hyper, for what will be will be.

I will be an example of that dream that never came true
I will be that fiction that never became untrue
I will be the one who never lived
I will be the one who never died.

I will be that smile that never faded
I will be that tear that never dried
I will be that wound that time never healed
I will be that old wound that never opened up.

I will be that hair that never grew,
that ripe fruit that never fell.
I will be that hair that never turned grey,
that fruit that never ripened.

I will be the egg that never hatched,
the sun that never rose.
I will be the star that never shone,
the sun that never set.
I will be the moon that never faded.

I will be that child that never grew up,
that man that never grew old.
I will be that child that was never born,
that father that never died.

I will be an example of this
I will be an example of that
A curse, a blessing, I will be what you see in yourself.

Come rain come sun, one will be an example of what is, what shouldn’t be, what can be, what will be, what cannot be and what wouldn’t be.

Hallucinations of the Prinsediran XVII: I Am Afraid [Of Hoping]

I am afraid I am here again, alone with Moi and Moi said.. “I am afraid this condition called ‘being alive’ will last forever. I do hope my life has an end”

I am becoming worryingly aware that I’m quite creative. I am afraid of what I might do.. Though I used to be intelligent until I became creative, I don’t know which one was better. I do hope pride doesn’t takeover me.

I am afraid I’m defenceless, I do hope the devil overlooks me.

I am afraid of silence….I hope the music will never end.

I am afraid I am falling…someone had gotten careless and let me go. It’ll be selfish for me to stand by myself and for myself. I do hope I’ll stand for someone, someday.

I am afraid the light is becoming more intense… I don’t know what sin I committed against it, I can hardly comprehend it these days. I do hope I’ll be forgiven someday.

I am afraid of the road ahead of me…surely there will be peace somewhere. If I hope on that, it becomes obvious that I’ll never get it. I am afraid of hope, for once I hope, I’m almost certain it will never come to pass.

What do you hope for?

Prinsedira, Wuzybury

Hallucinations of the Prinsediran XVI: Find The Ability [To Listen]

With Moi again and Moi said to me, “ever wondered how helpless and powerless humans are? Only pride makes them think otherwise, only selfishness makes them act otherwise… For they hardly hear everyone else, and they hardly speak for anyone else. Until they find them the ability to listen, they may never know all that they need to know.

Many times, you are like the Trees, the Pictures, the Mirror, the Food & Water, the Pen and the Bed, these are things no one can hear speak.

We thank the bed for being soft and yet strong to carry our weight all night, for the peace and quietness, the silence when our ears rested on you. Thanks for letting us sleep without making so much noise about your many problems. Yes, I understand you had a lot to tell me too… Tis must wait until I find that ability to listen to beds like you.

To the Food (both plants and animal), I’m sure you tried to stay alive for your families… Do not worry, I’ll take good care of them and I’ll try to send them to you as quick as possible; you know our hunger will always come back. I understand you had plenty to say to me, even when you came close to my ears, you only provided my tongue with some sweet taste and flavour… Those words indeed had to wait because you know I’m yet to find the ability to listen to foods like you.

Pictures hang all day on the wall, staring back at us, they listen, they can hear us, they have a lot to say too, but can we hear them? Yes, when we find the ability to listen. Until someone someday decides to talk to photographs, maybe, just maybe then I myself will have the courage to speak up.

The pen is almost loud, almost heard, almost speaking. But never her own words, just that of the Alpha Pen-bender. You’ve been most obedient, most loyal, most attentive, yes, when shall I learn to understand what you have to say? When will I find the ability to listen to you?

We thank the trees for the wind, we thank them for the shelter. Above all, we thank them for speaking a language we cannot yet understand, lest we’ll be bothered by all the troubles they will tell us about. Even when it seems like we care, we are yet to find the ability to listen to trees like you.

The mirror, sees it all, never blinks. How can one so knowledgeable about his surroundings say nothing in a language that we can understand? Indeed you speak, I must admit it is of my ears to seek out ways to find us that ability to listen to you.

If your life be so silent, then one must question if you are alive. Find a way to speak, they’ll find a way to listen, hopefully.

Prinsedira, Wuzybury

Hallucinations of the Prinsediran XV: Until We Become [Supernatural]

Here comes that time again, self-acclaimed “abovists” regularly believe they are above everyone… Moi not excused, and here again Moi said, “I am here with you though I am above you, tis a truth you refuse to acknowledge, yes then knowledge eludes you…”

Just as you’ve refused to acknowledge the answer to mankind’s many problems.

Why does it rain? Yes the crops need it, but after giving them a fill, it doesn’t just know when to stop until it floods everywhere and perhaps kill a few [many] persons.

Why does your hair keep growing? And the beards alike? Yes the beauty needs it, but after beautifying your appearance it doesn’t just know when to stop until it makes you look untidy… It is now a known fact that no matter how well you shave today, you’ll still do it again in a few days time.

Why does your clothes ever need to get dirty? Who is dirt? Waster of weekends, that’s who she is. Wash, wash and wash and woe betide you when you’ve got just a few sets of clothes.

Why do you ever hunger and thirst? If men had no tongues and stomachs and throats, there will actually be nothing worth going to war for…man lives and dreams and plans and works/fights simply for what/how he’ll eat, drink and survive. Even if you acknowledge this as a problem, man will still hunger and thirst for food and water [blood and money].

Why do road accidents ever occur? Who set the laws of collision into place? What if there wasn’t anything like collision…certainly a million more loved ones would have been roaming the earth.

Why do people ever lose control of their emotions, hurt those they love and say things they’ll regret? Why can’t people be in love with one another forever? How do people ever end up offending one another? Why are people not just compatible with everyone else?

Why do people ever lose control and possession of kindness and become evil?

Why do we stay awake [alive] even when our dear ones are asleep [dead]? Don’t be too proud, don’t dare underestimate the terrible power of loneliness.

Seasons come and go, surely it won’t stop. People come and go with it..yes, sadly the seasons themselves take some people along… The flood kills, the storm kills, the hurricane, the heat waves, etc…

And to Moi, Me said, Shall I not say then [that] even in it splendor and beauty, our problem is nature [even the nature of man]?

Problems abound, Moi said, until we dream supernatural, think supernatural, and act supernatural… Until we listen to the supernatural, until we become [ourselves] supernatural.

Prinsedira, Wuzybury

Hallucinations of the Prinsediran XIV: [You Will Not Remember] My Fear

I am afraid I am here again, but yet I am not afraid of Moi, rather very delighted to see Moi again. A smile, a hug and after a pat on the back, Moi said, “I am afraid of time, I am afraid of what it can do to you. Will you ever remember I said these things to you? Those moments when it was just me [Moi] and you against your own self?”

My fear is that you’ll get so old you’ll never remember the days of your youth, the days we were alone together. Yet I am anxious to see you grow old because I want to see how much you’ll remember…then you’ll realise what was truly important even to your own brain, even in old age.

My fear is that you may never remember the good times.

I fear I’ll get things so wrong that nothing was ever right.

I fear I’ll make you cry so hard that there was never a moment you smiled.

I fear I’ll dream so much that life becomes too short.

My fear is that you’ll come to despise and hate me so much that love laughs and says, “Aha, I told you I was never there.”

My fear is that your feet will become so dry you will never recall how I creamed them.

My fear is that I myself will become so lonely I forget I ever had company.

My fear is that I’ll stay alive too long in this world that I’ll lose faith in the beautiful things to come.

My fear is that you’ll catch me smiling and you’ll fail to realise that I’ve been crying most of my life.

I fear I’ll sound too complicated that you’ll never agree you did understand me, most of the time

My fear is that we’ll grow so apart that you’ll become convinced that we were never meant to be.

My fear is that the [your] walls which you built will become so dirty you’ll cease to recall how I painted them with beautiful colours.

My fear is that you’ll pray so loud you fail to hear that I have the answers, moreso you fail to give me the answers you have to my own prayers

My fear is that this light will get so bright, no I won’t forget darkness, I will only crave for it, for I and you have become men [migraineurs] who for many years now the light has been trying to kill us.

Even when the rain beats on you so much, I fear our umbrella must have been lost.

Memories fade, yet your image in my mirror, the broken mirror, is all I can still see… My fear is that my real self is locked in your own mirror, waiting to be free.

Above all, my fear is that you will not remember my fears.

Hallucinations of the Prinsediran XIII: The Prayer Bank [Store Up Answers]

I for one am certain I am alone, but Moi for two, I know not where the words come from. Sitting alone and yet together with Moi, Moi said to me…

Let me [Moi] tell you about the Prayer Bank, a place where you can store up answers.

It is true you cannot trick God, yes, why not confess you are indeed trying to trick Him…faith! I’m just imagining He folds His arms and chuckles at that confession. My friend, you must endeavor to be a friend of God as well.

Now God and Money are [two] masters (Matt. 6:24]. So, why should you treat God way less than you treat money?

With God, plan ahead. Just like a bank policy, if you need money, it is easier to collect from the very amount you’ve saved. Anything extra [a loan] will require more letters, more time, more meetings, more handshakes, and more protocols.
Yes, same could be said for prayers.

Pray years ahead of time, think hard, foresee your needs and put them into prayers, for when troubles [needs] arise, it is easier to collect an answer from the little you saved up with God.

My favorite, Moi said, will be our daughter who we are expecting soon. Pray for her [K.K. Jemima], that she’ll be healthy, that she’ll be strong, that she’ll be talented, that she’ll be brave, that she’ll be Agradable [Kindhearted], that she’ll be unique, that she’ll be loved, that she’ll be born again, that she’ll be intelligent, that she’ll be safe, that she’ll go out and come in safely, that she won’t be hurt, that she’ll not be bitten or beaten or molested, that she’ll not be tortured, or flogged, or taken captive, that she’ll be a success, that she’ll not be involved in any form of accident or die prematurely.

Cast on time all your worries about her to God, yes, you know them all. There’s nothing new under the sun. Then watch Him give you the answers at the appropriate time. Live a miracle, be strong in faith.

And that is just an example, I cannot read your heart desires, neither can I make them known publicly; your future, your plans, your hopes, your family, your friends, your duties.

So then, sit, be calm, yes smile if you may, think, envision, foresee and pray. Store up answers for yourself hence it will be easier for you not to panic or “forget” to pray whenever any form of trouble seem to be taking over.

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