Movie Lyrics: Stop Those Nuns

During the Christmas holiday I saw an old bag of mine containing very old books. One of them was a story I wrote some years back, I laughed at some of the instructions I wrote for the actors. It was meant to be a “romantic comedy”, I dunno if it fits in now. I jotted down the movie idea back in 2007 (no record of the month), then I almost started writing it on Sunday, the 30th of March 2008 (lol, “almost”). Then I did whatever it is I did on it on the 16th of August 2008 and finally started writing on the 12th of September 2008 and ended the first page on the 23rd of September, 2008 at 11:22am (school is really a big work). The rest of the story was written from 19th March, 2009 to 30th August, 2009.
I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw those dates, it was indeed very slow.. Two years!!

Anyway… I’ll let you read some of the scenes, hopefully you’ll make a meaning out of them.
The title is “Stop Those Nuns”, a tale of Love at second sight and how STANLEY tries everything possible to convince a Nun-wannabe to marry him. Setting of the story is in Nigeria.. 🙂

“To marry is divine. To serve God in holiness is uniquely divine, but to do both is more divine.” – Mother Elizabeth will say this in this movie.
STOP THOSE NUNS

INT. JULIET’S ROOM, CHIEF ERNEST’S HOUSE- MORNING

JULIET is sitting in front of her mirror brushing her hair. She’s dressed in a Nun’s gown, talking to SAMMIE over the phone.

Juliet
Please Sammie, the name is not Julie, it is Juliet. At least if you get to make things formal a little, then you can get me out of your head.
(Pauses)
Look mister, I’ve made up my mind. I’m continuing with the convent. I’ll be a reverend sister.
(Pauses)
Of course they don’t get married, even if they do I’ll certainly not marry you.
_______________________________________________________________________________________

Chief Ernest
I am fed with this liberty you always preach, look what it has cost us. Juliet couldn’t even hook up a MAN! Other girls and daughters of men of my class will jump at that liberty and date all the men they can have.

Mrs Ernest
But it is quite better for us.

Chief Ernest
(Surges up with his palms pointing towards Mrs Ernest’s neck).
What is better?
(Sits down again and takes a deep breath).
She is our only child. Do we owe her? Why then does she want to owe us?

Mrs Ernest
She doesn’t owe us Ernest, she came from the Lord first, remember? Remember how we cried unto the Lord Ernest.
(Chief Ernest mimics Mrs Ernest’s voice as he says the next line with her)

Chief/Mrs Ernest
We can’t deny the Lord.

Ernest brings out a pocket diary and writes briefly into it.

Chief Ernest
See? It is the two thousand, two hundred and twenty second time you’ve said that since you gave birth to Juliet, more like a hundred times every year.
(Leans forward and speaks gently)
Did you plan all these?

Juliet comes into the dining room with her bag and immediately she shuts the door her parents stand up. Chief Ernest is practically hiding behind Mrs Ernest.

Mrs Ernest
Julie.

Juliet
Mom, Dad, good morning.
(Smiles).
Why are you standing?

Mrs Ernest
Are you not eating with us?

Juliet
(Whispers).
Fasting.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

… Juliet enters the bus

Basilia
Julie.

Juliet
Hi Basilia.

Basilia
I knew you’ll return someday.

Juliet
I’m here now.

Jane
Welcome Julie.

Juliet
Thanks Jane.

Maryann
Welcome Julie.

Juliet
Maryann.
(Gives Maryann a hug).
It’s good to see you.
(Looks at Maryjoy).
Hi.

The bus begins to move.

Maryjoy
There is nothing left to say.
(Raises her shoulders).

Juliet
Sure Maryjoy
(Sits next to a window).

CUT TO:
INT. NYSC BUS- SAME

Jesse
Is this camp of ours not far? I’m getting bored.

Stanley
I thought travelling was your hobby?

Jesse
That’s when I’m travelling to the U.S or Japan or Dubai or…

Victoria
Jesse, we all know you’ve never taken a bus before.
(Stanley smiles widely and puts his face towards the window as the bus stops to get fuel in a Gas station).

The Nuns’ bus also stops for fuel and parks beside the Nysc bus. Stanley and Juliet’s eyes meet and Stanley pops up immediately with his eyes wide open while Juliet dims her eyes, gazing at him. Maryjoy notices them.

INT. NUNS’ BUS- SAME

Maryjoy
Still looking at boys, Juliet?

Everyone looks at Juliet at once and Maryann holds her forehead and shakes her head.

Juliet
It is my eyes, Maryjoy.
(Bows her head).

INT. NYSC BUS- SAME
Stanley
(Pointing his thumb at the Nuns’ bus).
Don’t we know that chic?

Victoria
It is a bus, for reverend-sister-wannabes. There are no chicks in it, let alone we knowing one.

Stanley
I think I’ve seen her before.

Jesse
Stan, they put on veils in order for you not to know them again, why can’t you just fall for it?
(Victoria giggles).
__________________________________________________________________________________

Stanley
What do you mean Vicky? I’m telling you she’s the man’s daughter.

Jesse
Of course she should be a man’s daughter

Stanley
I’m going to track her Jesse, I kind of like the girl.

Victoria
You are going to track a Nun… Listen to yourself Stanley. No weapon fashioned against them shall proper.

Stanley
I’m not going after her with a weapon.

Jesse
Love is a weapon, brother.
___________________________________________________________________________________

Kate
Take you there? That’s not possible. They didn’t even let my brother in, remember?
(Smiles)
But there was one way he went in

Victoria/Stanley/Jesse
How?
____________________________________________________________________________________

Victoria
Are you suggesting we sneak in?

Jesse
Into a covenant?

Kate
(Corrects Jesse)
Convent.

Jesse
(Echoes)
Convent.

Stanley
Why not?

Victoria
I have work, Stanley.

Stanley
I have pals that will cover for me.

Jesse
Stan, we can’t just sneak into a convent to meet a girl we’ve never met before. What if she screams?

Victoria
I wonder o!

Stanley
Nobody will scream.

Jesse
How can you be so sure?

Stanley
Well she won’t scream. Why would she do that?

Jesse
You are vouching for someone you don’t even know. Does love at first sight come with a degree of idiocy?

Stanley
SHE WILL NOT SCREAM!

Jesse
But it is a convent, Stanley.

Stanley
And so?

Jesse
A convent for reverend sisters!

Stanley
No, for reverend brothers. What do you take a convent for anyway?

Victoria
Holy of holies my dear, we shouldn’t joke with it.

Stanley
Please, a convent, according to Harold Balogi, is a building where you can run in to become a virgin even if you’ve been a whore all your life.

The three look at him with their mouths wide open.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Stanley
So are you saying we can’t see chief today?

Kate
(Walking inside).
I’m not saying it, I’ve said it. Let me get the robes for you.
(Goes in).

Victoria
I guess something is really pissing your uncle off.

Jesse
I guess the guy is broke.
____________________________________________________________________________________________

Stanley
(Puts his arm around her)
Let’s just say I have this good feeling for you, so so pure that a sinner like me can’t afford to speak of it.

Juliet
(Calmly)
Blood of the Lamb, save us all.
(Takes Stanley’s arm off)
You can’t just come and scoop a nun.

Stanley
What kind of a nun uses the word scoop?

Juliet
Scoop is slang, not blasphemy. Perhaps sinners only understand worldly words.

Stanley
I’m not sure how to say this Juliet, but…

Juliet
How did you know my name? You were the one in the bus today right?

Stanley
Yes I was. Can we sit and talk?

Juliet
Why?
(Calls out to Maryann).
MARYANN!

Stanley
My name is Stanley, not Maryann.

Juliet
MARYANN! I’m calling my partner, not you. MARYANN!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Maryjoy
Juliet ran off again? We should crown her Our Lady the Confused.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Juliet stumbles in laughing. Stanley is amazed.

Juliet
(To the other girls trailing her).
There are two of them.
(To Stanley and Jesse)
Hi, welcome. I’m Juliet.

Jesse stretches forth his hand as Stanley is remains speechless and motionless.

Jesse
Of course, Juliet, nice to meet you.
(Shake hands with Juliet as the other girls come in).
(Whispers into Stanley’s ears)
How come we didn’t think of new names?

Maryann
Hi, welcome home.

Stanley/Jesse
Thank you.

Maryann
I’m Maryann.

Jesse
I am Jessi–ca
(Looks at a Rosary)
Rosario. Jessica-Rosario.

Maryann
Nice name. Are you sisters?

Jesse
Of course.

Juliet
Your dad must be proud of you two.

Stanley
Oh no, not that kind of sisters. We have different parents but we are sisters in the Lord.

Juliet
That’s lovelier to know.
(Introduces the rest of the girls)
This is Basilia. This is Maryjoy, this is Priscilla, and this is Mary. This is also Mary, this is Mary also, this is Mary too, this too is Mary, but we call her Mary-Mary, she has a twin that’s why. This is Anna, this is Theodora, this is Mary-Theresa and this is the last Mary here present. The other girls went on evangelism. Don’t worry; you’ll get to know us all.

Maryjoy
(To Stanley)
So what is your name?

Stanley
Oh, I’m Mary. Mary-Stan.

Maryjoy
Did you…
(Touches Stanley’s right cheek with her finger).
… apply makeup?

All
MARYJOY?

Maryjoy
Crucify me o! I only asked a question. The girl’s face is too brown for my liking.

Jesse
For your liking?

____________________________________________________________________________________

Juliet
Please stop flattering me.

Stanley
But I’m not, I mean, you should be every guys’ dream

Juliet
(Lies on her stomach too)
You must stop. I don’t seem to be in love with anyone. If not I had many guys after me those days, but, they were all not just meant for me.

Stanley
And you believe the convent is?

Juliet
You really sound like Mother Elizabeth in one of her tempting moods.
(Smiles)
Are you sure you are ready to be a nun in three days?

Stanley
Are you?

Juliet
(Becomes cold as she lies on her back).
Mary-Stan, do you believe in love at first sight?

Stanley
Yeah, it works most of the time.

Juliet
It played its magic on me once, not long ago, though I never had the chance to try it out. The guy was cute, bold, I saw him in a bus in a filling station……………

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